2021s
- The concept of a file is something that I've never actually stopped and considered. It's strange to think that my kids will potentially never need to think about what a file system is or how their data is stored.
- Learning to identify birdsongs is something that I've been wanting to do since finding myself living in the countryside where there are actually birds. And many birds at, that.
- CGP Grey's recent sharing of his descent into madness is quite possibly one of the best examples of just how interesting the search for a single piece of information can be.
- I love the idea of going into the woods just to make lunch.
The Year of Establishment
I've been following along with the Cortex for a few years now and so much of what I've heard from them has helped me in various areas of work and life. Whether it was trying to juggle two jobs, a family and church ministry as a volunteer or getting my head around how to track my time once I started in ministry full time, there has been something they've covered that has helped with this.
What I've struggled to try and implement has been keeping a yearly theme. Part of this is because I think, fundamentally, in projects rather than… movements. Work to get a thing done and then it's done. Another aspect of this is that so much of life over the last few years has been kind of transitory. Each year, we have been unsure of where we would be living and working in the following year.
Now, though, we are finally getting closer to knowing where we want to settle. We have a real, deep desire to stay in Scotland. To settle, the get stuck in to a community where we can develop near-distance friendships rather than a growing collection of long-distance friendships.
There is also much work to be done here. With increased secularisation in the culture and in the established church, Scotland is looking to have only 5% of its population in a church on any given Sunday. That's a very sad story for a country that has given the world so much in terms of gospel witness.
With that, the theme for the year 2022 is The Year of Establishment. So much of previous years has been about the new or the unknown. 2022, is about being able to know and to be known.
We have been living as lightly as a family of six can since we arrived. The longer we are here, the more intensely we feel the need to have a home base. Since 2018, we have been walking a line between here and back there in the States. With our hopes and plans of acquiring a family visa in 2022, we are working to establish ourselves as a fully UK-based family.
I've worked in and with multiple churches since 2018, knowing that we would eventually be moving on. Even now, I've begun to work toward joining a church permanently so that we can commit for the long haul.
Our kids are getting older, both girls will be in secondary school next year. Having a stable and established home will make exam time a lot simpler to manage.
Most of all, though, God has had us on a journey without a particular destination in our minds. Now, we at least have a country in mind. We've got family here now. I've been able to build some really good connections with churches as a result of my training course. There are people here that I desperately hope to not have to say goodbye to.
And this is a landscape that has utterly captivated me. We have only just begun to scratch the surface of all there is to see here. We haven't even been to the Highlands and already there is enough to overwhelm.
Establishment is so often used as a byword or an expletive. It's a term of derision. But after years of feeling blown about by the winds, the thought of digging in feels like the right thought.
on your doorstep
It had been too long since I’d seen scenery that wasn’t the farms around our house, so when my wife told me to text a friend to try and do something with our sons, it was very welcome. Alastair Humphreys spent much of the last year exploring a map that he had printed up of the area on his doorstep. When we’ve figured out where we will be living long-term, I hope to do the same thing. In the meantime, I’m trying to find what exploring I can do right here.
Practically on our doorstep is a walk that shows our area at its best. It starts in town and takes us along the road down to Avon Water, the river that this valley takes its name from.
It was nice to have a break from thinking about ministry things and to just walk and chat and try to name the trees. The more nature writing that I read, the more I wish I knew. We passed by the remnants of beech trees that would have acted as hedges. I learned that alder trees have ”all the things”. My shoes could not have been a worse choice but they did the job without me ending up on my backside in a bog.
Having spent most of the last few years in the city, we grew used to seeing gates or bridges covered in padlocks. It was curious seeing a bunch of old coins hammered into the back of a bench. A new way of keeping an old superstitious practice; once upon a time, illnesses would be “placed on the coin” before it was hammered into a tree to take it away.
Before heading back to town, we walked through the village of Sandford. It’s a really nice little conservation area that feels the right amount of quaint. Old mills seem to be strewn throughout this area and even heading into east Ayrshire to the west of us. If you look closely at the photo above, you can see the old millstones resting against the house.
our marriage so far
13 years
5 babies (4 with us, one with Jesus)
4 countries
I wonder what’s in store for the next thirteen.
an assortment of things - November 2021
It's time for some more things that I found interesting, entertaining or something in the previous month.
How Personal Policies Can Help You Fight Decision Fatigue - Redeeming Productivity
Decision fatigue is a really big deal. I get to the end of the day and it's even an effort to decide what we want to watch on telly. This is a helpful way of avoiding it.
I've seen the entire series multiple times at this point so it was really cool to get this look into the backstory of the show. There's also something intrinsically moving when listening to people talk about something they worked really hard on. Even a sitcom can be elevated above the normal feeling of throwaway tv.
The Ways of Old-Fashioned Tailoring
Speaking of people working really hard on something, this is a great article from a tailor who works primarily using methods from the 1930's.
Over the summer, I completely ran out of steam for trying to learn Gaelic with Duolingo. Thankfully, BBC Alba and Bòrd na Gàidhlig put together this online learning platform that includes podcasts, Youtube videos and a guided course. It's really fun getting back into language-learning and being able to read more of the train station signs here.
🏃♂️running in the rain
The weather continues to get colder while the mornings and evenings are getting darker. Here in Scotland, it’s getting wetter as well.
After nearly a month off due to getting sick, I finally got to go running again this morning. As I stepped out the door, it was gloomy, windy and starting to rain. In a word, it was perfect. Well... it was perfect for staying indoors.
I, slowly, put one foot in front of the other. It was only a twenty-minute run because it’s been so long. My feet were hurting because I was running in new shoes for the first time since January. Still, it was really encouraging to know that I hadn’t lost the ability to get up and go. To run for longer than five minutes, even on the hills around our house.
And my reward was spending the second half of my run heading toward that rainbow up there. It’s rare that I get to see one go all the way across the sky like that, but the other advantage of these hills is getting a bit higher to see the landscape around me.
This first run in so long felt like a real gift.
ephemeral notes, or writing on a bunch index cards and recycling them before copying down all of the information
I preached at church this past Sunday and decided to try a slightly different approach to organising my study time. Because I'm at the beginning of this whole journey of Word ministry and preaching, I'm regularly experimenting with how I try to get the work done.
For some, the thought of figuring out how to make a system happen seems like torture. For me, with a background in logistics, systems are kind of a comfort zone. I like setting them up. I like tweaking them. Right now, I kind of have the perfect excuse because I'm regularly having to produce work, but there's enough time in-between (except for November, November's going to be crazy) for me to try to change something.
This time around, I wrote all of my notes out on index cards as I was studying, I typed up what I wrote down if it seemed significant or lasting, and then just took my pile of cards (maybe 10 or so, with small handwriting) and put them in the recycling.
I wonder if trying to keep every scrap of information is really necessary. While I'm sure I will be preaching a sermon on this passage again in the future, I won't be preaching the same sermon I've just preached again. What I said on Sunday was for that group of people on that particular Sunday.
I've still got my script saved and searchable because bytes don't take up space. But it's moved into an archive folder.
Because I have a lifetime to study the Word, I honestly don't know that I need to keep every bit of information handy because I have the source material. I've got the Bible in too many formats. And so, maybe it's okay for my notes to be ephemeral. Maybe it's okay if water gets spilled on water-soluble ink. Because the thing is having the Word. My notes could be wrong, after all.
a ferociously crippling cold
Over the last week or two, I’ve learned that it’s possible for all creative output to suddenly stop. I’ve written zero words. Made zero notes. I even broke my nearly-100-day streak in Day One.
When I caught my youngest son’s cold, it seemed like it would just be one of those things that lasts a few days and then tapers off.
In the end, I’ve still got it and I’m typing this while laying in bed because I’m still not as well as I want to be.
The most frustrating thing about this whole ordeal is that, once upon a time, I would still be working at full speed because I worked for an American company with miserly, typically-American sick day allowances. I had to be in work and I had to be hitting the same numbers as when I was well.
It’s frustrating because I am now incapable of continuing like that. My work is no longer physical, it’s mental/spiritual and yet, because my body is weak right now, I don’t have the ability to do it. I’ve had to attend church virtually for two weeks. I’ve had to miss two discussion groups that I am meant to be running.
Something I’ve had to learn, I suppose everyone has had to learn, is that I do not have the capacity that I think I have. The working patterns that I’m trying desperately to undo are unsustainable and are probably why I’ve had such a hard time fighting this illness.
how I’m reading right now 📚
I do a decent amount of reading as a part of my work being a missionary and ministry apprentice. There’s a certain joy in knowing that reading is a part of my vocation but it does lead to reading feeling like work.
I’ve been actively trying to combat that feeling by doing a couple of things:
1. Read what I want, not what I should
There are always lists of “important” books or books that should be read. The thing is, I read enough of those for work. I’m learning again that it’s okay to be entertained by a reading, it doesn’t have to be a challenge.
2. If it’s boring, stop
I’ve also stopped forcing myself to finish a book. Tracy and I will occasionally start a series on Netflix or something and decide not to finish it. There’s no contract between me and an author that says that once I’ve made it a chapter or two in, I have to finish the book.
When I tried reading the second Pendragon novel by Stephen Lawhead, I just had to stop. It was a terrible time and I spent way too long trying to let the story happen. Sometimes, there just isn’t enough story there to justify the word count. Sometimes, an author can still make it work, but that book is not an example of it.
And so that’s how I’ve been reading. I’ve been finding books that sound interesting and stopping them if they’re not. I finished reading the first Shadow and Bone book and have just started The Wild Places.
an assortment of things - October 2021
Welcome to an assortment of things. I work slowly to figure out what might be interesting. That's why these are only monthly.
what to watch
That’s all for now
Be sure to subscribe to get regular updates as I share long form writing and what’s going on.
About
I'm married to Tracy and daddy to Sophie, Chloe, Liam and Owen. This is where I write things.
We live in Greenock in the west of Scotland. I'm serving as the pastor of Ardgowan Square Evangelical Church and studying with the Pastors' Training Course.
a voice like a babbling brook
Raonaid looked out at the sea of blue jumpers and wondered how, after years discovering new plant species in the field, she had ended up doing supply teaching. It wasn’t that she was unhappy, but there were days when she wondered if she’d missed something. The children in front of her were silent, save for their quiet breathing.
“Can anyone tell me what happens when it rains?”
They looked back at her with their big eyes, waiting for her to answer her own question. A girl in the middle of the group, pale as a sheet with walnut-brown hair and ocean-blue eyes, raised her hand. Raonaid nodded toward the girl for her to speak.
“Mum says that’s when the fairies come out and take care of the forest.”
“Is that right, Anna?” Raonaid didn’t want to hurt the girl’s feelings. The girl nodded with a big smile. A boy in the corner sniggered to himself and Raonaid silently agreed.
“Well, what we’re going to look at is what the book tells us because that’s what we’ve got to do today,” she said.
Anna looked down, but nodded as she did, “Okay...”
"Take out your jotters so you can write this down", said Raonaid as the lesson began.
After school, Raonaid decided to take advantage of the glorious weather at the pub. The sun had been streaming into the classroom all day and it was rare enough that everyone in the village had made the same decision. The beach was teeming with people enjoying the evening air. Children ran about in wellies while their parents strolled along, calling to them. Everyone knew it wouldn’t last. Over the Isle, they could see dark clouds moving toward them.
The sound of glasses clattering and people chattering filled the pub. It was only Wednesday but you’d never know it. While the seaside village where she had moved to was lovely and quaint, there were only so many places to while away the evening. She didn’t mind too much, for a long time she’d had only her field assistants and samples of moss for company.
Raonaid sat outside with a pint, she didn’t care that two half-pints was more lady-like, and listened to the sounds of gulls, waves and families. She missed her time in the field on long research trips, but this? This was hard to beat.
As the evening went on, she decided to have her tea at the pub. The weather moved in while she ate her steak-and-kidney pie and had another pint. Rain drops hammered the roof and the wind howled, bringing on a chill even if it wasn’t cold in the pub. Mark, the landlord, started a fire in the hearth, filling the room with dancing, orange light. After eating, Raonaid sat near the fire and watched the flames, letting them lull her into thinking that there would be no work tomorrow. She was warmed inside and out but the peace was interrupted by the crash of the door as an old man fell into the room, pushed by the storm.
A few raindrops were thrown into the pub and they sizzled as they disappeared over the fire. The sound reminded Raonaid of what little Anna had said about the rain and the forest. It made her smile but also made here wonder. Anna’s mum hadn’t been around for a while, her dad had said. What other tales did she have?
It was time to go, at last, so she gathered up her things and zipped up her jacket all the way, hoping to keep the warmth inside. At least that would be worth having nipped her neck with the zip.
Outside the pub, lights shone down so people could see where it was safe to walk. There had been enough people falling into the sea that they decided it was worth the expense. Raonaid followed the path until reaching the road. The wind had eased a bit but the rain was here to stay. Knowing that there was nothing to be done, she walked along the road wishing she had remembered to bring a torch with her. Looking back, the windows gave off a warm glow that beckoned visitors come.
Just keep walking and you’ll make it home, she thought to herself.
The world was white noise as the rain fell straight down. Raonaid walked between forest and sea. Home wasn’t far, but it was far enough.
She looked to her left at the wall of trees and thought about fairies. It would be lovely, wouldn’t it? Of course, years spent in the forest had only proven that the only thing that happened when it rained in the forest was a damp sleeping bag. But still.
Overcome with wonder and possibly emboldened by an extra fireside pint, Raonaid turned off the path and marched toward the forest wall. Stepping through a gap in the trees, the noise quietened down. The rain was muted and slowed by the canopy above. She removed her hood to see and hear better, only the stray droplet landing on her head. The sound of twigs snapping and the quiet rustling of small animals ceased as her presence was noted by all of the creatures.
With all of the sound dampened she could hear her heart beating gently and decided to keep moving in, trying to keep the forest wall directly behind her so that she didn’t get lost. As she moved she picked her way between fallen trees and over small dips in the ground that were covered by piles of leaves. Spraining an ankle would be easy and would make for a truly miserable night.
Continuing to move deeper into the forest, the temperature got cooler and Raonaid knew that she was in danger of losing sight of the wall but she didn’t care. The relief from the rain and her curiosity kept her going. Deeper and deeper, darker and darker, quieter and quieter until the noise began to grow again. Further in from the road, the animals were less fearful of her and the occasional squirrel would run across the way.
The rain continued to fall and Raonaid continued to walk. But there was still no sign of fairies. It wasn’t a surprise, there was never going to be any. Not knowing how far she had walked or what time it was, Raonaid turned around and made her way toward the edge of the forest. Her boots had left a depression in the wet leaves but the near absence of light made it slow work.
As she continued on, it seemed like the edge would never come. Step after step after step, but still no sign of the trees beginning to clear.
“I’m probably lost,” she said out loud.
“Oh not at all,” said a voice like a babbling brook.
Raonaid stopped in her tracks.
“Hello?”
No answer came. Seconds went by but they did so slowly. She could hear the rain hitting the canopy high above her but all was silent and still otherwise.
Raonaid took another step forward. From the ground just in front of her foot sprang up a small, blue light that pulsed slowly.
“This way,” said the voice again. And the light flew off into the trees.
With no other choice, Raonaid followed the blue light, not sure whether to explain this to little Anna.
it’s nearly here 🍂
The sun is no longer rising at 4:30am. Sunset happens before 9pm. I stepped out of the office to grab a coffee and see the bright blue sky, but was greeted by the beginnings of a chill. Almost crisp.
It feels like meeting Scotland for the first time again. Autumn had only just begun when I stepped off the train in Glasgow Central Station.
🕷
Rowan trees are laden with berries that are begging to be turned into a jam, infused with rosemary.
In the evenings, we are starting to draw the curtains as we hear the radiators creaking.
And we occasionally go into a blind panic as the largest house spiders we’ve ever seen keep making their presence known. To be honest, it’s taking effort to keep the spiders from taking the shine off of the best time of year.
As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning - reflections
What is there to say about this absolutely gorgeous book?
I first learned about it from watching Alistair Humphrey's My Midsummer Morning. On that adventure, he followed in Laurie Lee's footsteps by busking his way across Spain for a month. Mind you, Alistair had the added challenge of being unable to play the violin six months before his journey began.
Before this book, I found myself in a bit of a reading slump. Reading had become merely something that was done for work and study. It was a means of getting information. Part of this is because a novel I had been trying to read just proved to be an impossible slog that wasn't worth it. Then, I learned about this book and also noticed that it's quite short. It's generally true but it's written as a novel and I found myself swept away from the moment Laurie Lee left the village in the Cotswolds where he grew up.
For a book that is, primarily, about a journey across Spain, there is a lot of England here. The book covers about two years of life and half of that is actually in England.
As I read, it made me want to go on an adventure. Not one that is so grand, I have a family to look after whereas he was only 19 when he set off, but one nonetheless. It's a book that makes you want to get outdoors. We are hoping to do a hiking holiday next summer. We're even wondering if that is what we end up doing with our family holidays. Putting ourselves in situations where we'll be able to go for a ramble, a wild swim in a cold loch. While the book was set in Spain, it has made me crave the landscape here in Britain. I can imagine only ever needing to explore around here on this small group of islands.
For the love of local libraries
When we lived in Poland, one of my big struggles was being able to find books to read. I didn’t learn enough Polish to even read a children’s book, just enough to be able to have polite interactions in shops and to be able to lead sung worship in both English and Polish (po Angielsku i po Polsku). And, I didn’t want to buy a bunch of books because we would only be there a year. [1]
One thing we were grateful for was that the local library did have a small selection of books for both kids and adults in English. And we made as much use of that place as we could.
Now that we’re back in the U.K. I’ve finally been able to take advantage of a library where I at least know the language that the books are in. Particularly as I try to be responsible with buying books (there are so many books to read and only so much money), being able to support an institution that is there to help people who have no access to buying books is a privilege.
What’s been so nice, though, is two things:
1. They learned who I was really quickly
I’ve popped into the library fairly regularly since finally getting my card. But I was only there for my second visit when they knew who I was. Life in a big city brings with it an anonymity similar to what you’d find online. But here, in a small town, everyone knows everyone.
For some, that’s considered a downside. As a newcomer to this place, it’s a welcome break from always being a stranger.
2. They always have what I need, sort of
Something that I always failed to take advantage of in the past was the simple fact that libraries tend to be a part of a network. A small, community library like this will only have so much space and so much budget. They have to cater to what people tend to look for when they are a certain age and want to read a book. That means the vast majority of the books are detective and crime dramas.
But, because ministry books are quite taxing to read, I’ve been trying to make an effort to keep some aspect of reading as a leisure activity. Something that is fun and relaxing. Lately, that’s meant reading people like Roger Deakin and Laurie Lee, Robert Macfarlane and Nan Shepherd. Those books are rarely available at my library, but they’re usually somewhere in the network.
That’s meant that I’ve been able to indulge in all these books, books that I can’t afford to buy right now, for free. Sure, I may have to wait a couple of days before I can read them but I’m reading other books in the meantime.
also...
Whenever I pop in, there’s a group of toddlers and their mums at a small playgroup singing songs. We used to help out with a group like that when we lived in Liverpool. It’s a nice little hit of nostalgia as I pack my books away into my backpack before cycling away.
I still did buy too many from the secondhand, English bookshop on Puławksa. ↩︎
the surprising usefulness of lacklustre tools
One of the great troubles of becoming the kind of person who tinkers with things or tries to figure out what the best tool for the job is the resulting, endless search for the perfect tool for the job.
It's something that makes perfect, logical sense. If there's a job that needs doing, then it makes sense to use the best possible tool. The trouble, however, is that the perfect tool tends to be the one that you don't have. It's a bit lighter or it has slightly higher specs.
This sort of thing has really shown itself to me when it comes to cycling. The bike that I am currently riding is not set up well for the environment in which I ride it. There are rolling hills and long steady climbs. It's got 26-inch wheels because it's a repurposed mountain bike. The gearing doesn't feel logical for the kind of riding that I do.
But it's the only bike that I have and it's a bike that took me to the ocean and back. I climbed over 1500 metres with it. I got to see the beautiful west of Scotland. I got to experience the joy of travelling in a magical landscape at a human pace.
And I did it with a second-hand bike that I bought for £100 last year. Nobody would choose to do that journey with that bike. But because there wasn't an alternative, it was, absolutely, the perfect tool for the job.
If you liked this post, you might want to:
good enough
I’ve had the task of recording a video for our support raising efforts looking over me for a couple of weeks. My hope had been to have a script memorised and to film it in 4K on my phone while outside with the countryside in the background.
But all that happened was procrastinating.
“Get the script right.”
“You need to have good weather.”
“You need to use your microphone...”
But then I finally ran out of time. The kids had needed wrangling and interrupted my ability to get anything done while my wife was at work. She got home and helped with child-wrangling and that gave me two hours to get the project done.
The video is not beautiful, but it’s far from bad. It doesn’t have bokeh, but the image is in focus. I recorded it using iMovie and the built-in camera on my MacBook Air. The 720p one.
There’s a bunch that I wish I could have done with it, but it’s actually done and it will be in our missions newsletter tomorrow.